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Re: A question about endo treatment for all of the Moms out there
From: Amanda (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat Oct 19 17:45:20 2002
Hiya hon! Boy this kinda reminds me of my situation with my mother. A
different situation, but kind of the same. When I was diagnosed, right
after surgery, my doctor told my mom and bf that I needed a hysterectomy
or needed to get pregnant right away (got rid of him). Since then my
mom has pushed me to get a hysterectomy. Every time we talked, that was
the first word out of her mouth. She knew that I was dead set against
it and that she was getting on my nerves with talking about it all the
time. One time, I just kinda lost it with her, which I regretted, but
after that, she hasn't been near as pushy as she was.
Mothers have this instinct to protect their kids no matter how old they
are. I'm 24 btw. I know this because it's what my mom was doing, and
because I'm a mom. As a mother, our first concern is our child and
doing what we can to protect our child. In cases like endometriosis, it
hurts our mothers because there is nothing they can do to take away the
pain.
My thought of why your mom is pushing, because she knows there is
nothing she can do physically to make you feel better. She is pushing
you to get treatments because she believes that they will give you
relief. This is the only thing she knows to do to try to protect you
and try to help you. I know this can cause some problems, but try to
understand where she is coming from. Talk to her and tell her how you
feel without blaming her or getting angry. I wish that I could offer
more help, but that's all I know to tell you.
You are right that it is your decision to make, not hers, but she is
just trying to look out for your best interest.
Take care hon.
Love and Prayers,
At Thu, 17 Oct 2002, anonymous wrote:
>
>Hi. I have a question for all of the mothers out there, especially if
>you have a daughter with endometriosis. Let me say right away that I am
>the daughter, and I'm asking a question about a disagreement I'm having
>with my mother, whom I adore. The short question is: why can't mothers
>let their daughters make their own decisions about medical issues? A
>really long message follows -- I'm sorry about the length.
>
>Here goes. I was diagnosed with endometriosis since high school. I'm
>in my mid twenties now. Throughout college I went through various forms
>of treatment, including Danocrine, Lupron, and two surgeries. Three
>years ago, the symptoms starting returning, plus I developed a strange
>ache in my left side. In the last year I've had two episodes of
>irregular bleeding (6 months apart), plus I've started spotting at the
>end of my periods since July. Periods are pretty difficult, I must
>admit.
>
>Clearly, weird things are happening. My specialist is wonderful, but I
>haven't seen him in 4 1/2 years because I decided after college not to
>seek further treatment for various reasons. I feel that I can deal with
>this on my own, basically. Haven't let myself miss a day of work for
>periods or any other problems. Plus, I'm still a virgin, so there's no
>risk of complications associated with sex.
>
>I'm not happy with the way past treatments have gone -- they didn't cure
>the problem, and the hormones gave me terrible side effects. Plus, I'm
>up for promotion at work and am afraid that I might lose it if I took
>off time for surgery. My side is that I should be able to make my own
>decisions about not seeking further treatment, and those decisions
>should be respected, especially in light of the work/promotion
>situation.
>
>My mother feels completely differently. She won't leave me alone about
>this, keeps saying that I'm upsetting her, and practically begs me to
>see the doctor. I adore Mom and understand that she's worried, but I
>also feel suffocated -- I'm an adult, why can't she let me do what I
>want or avoid what I don't want? Why can't she be like my father? He's a
>physician, he thinks that I should see the doctor, but he told me it was
>my decision, and that was the first and last thing he ever said about
>it. However, Mom keeps bringing it up. She won't even listen when I
>give her medical facts about how rare complications from untreated
>endometriomas or endometriosis are. (Maybe I should note that she would
>never have found out about these problems except that I, in my
>stupidity, accidentally let it all slip one day when I was blowing off
>steam.)
>
>Someone told me that mothers get upset when they feel that their child's
>well-being is threatened by something. Is this what's going on here?
>I'm trying to understand her side. I don't want to just assume that
>she's trying to control my every move, because even though it feels that
>way, I'm sure it's not really that way.
>
>What should I do? We all want to make our own decisions without being
>pressured, but I'm at a loss. I don't want to cause my mother worry,
>but I don't want to feel pressured into getting treatment. Help!
>
>Thanks very much!
--
Amanda Smith
ERC Awareness Committee Member
Coordinator
EndoCenter of Eastern New Mexico
http://www.endocenter.org
E-mail:
endogirl78@yahoo.com
erc_nm@yahoo.com
endocenter_of_eastern_new_mexico@hotmail.com
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