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Re: A question about endo treatment for all of the Moms out there
From: Kimberly (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Oct 17 17:35:43 2002
I hate to say this to you, so please know that I am smiling as I type, but
"When you are a mother, you will understand." This is what we do, I think
especially to our daughters. I can already tell I have trouble on my hands
with my daughter. She just had to have 4 teeth pulled due to them being
severely damaged (baby teeth, too long on the bottle). I had no idea! They
were far enough back in her head, and she is 8 years old, and I had no idea!
She never once complained, but they HAD to be hurting her all along. I
asked her why she didn't tell me, and she told me that because I freak out
when she mentions anything hurts or feels bad, and she didn't want me to
freak out. So see? That is what we do. We freak out and overreact when
our babies are hurting. Go easy on your mom. To you, you are an adult,
capable and competent. But she still sees you as that infant, toddler, 8
year old that it is her duty to protect and nurture. Since you grew up, you
left her with all the feelings of responsibility with none of the authority
to make the decisions anymore. Be good to your mama. And go see a doctor
like she says. Just because endo is "benign" doesn't mean you can ignore
it. It can cause serious complications. Better to miss a little time now
than to end up missing a lot of time with something serious. And you'll
help your mom to rest at night ;-).
(hugs)
Kim
>----- Original Message -----
From: "anonymous" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ENDO" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
Sent: Thursday, October 17, 2002 12:44 PM
Subject: A question about endo treatment for all of the Moms out there
> Hi. I have a question for all of the mothers out there, especially if
> you have a daughter with endometriosis. Let me say right away that I am
> the daughter, and I'm asking a question about a disagreement I'm having
> with my mother, whom I adore. The short question is: why can't mothers
> let their daughters make their own decisions about medical issues? A
> really long message follows -- I'm sorry about the length.
>
> Here goes. I was diagnosed with endometriosis since high school. I'm
> in my mid twenties now. Throughout college I went through various forms
> of treatment, including Danocrine, Lupron, and two surgeries. Three
> years ago, the symptoms starting returning, plus I developed a strange
> ache in my left side. In the last year I've had two episodes of
> irregular bleeding (6 months apart), plus I've started spotting at the
> end of my periods since July. Periods are pretty difficult, I must
> admit.
>
> Clearly, weird things are happening. My specialist is wonderful, but I
> haven't seen him in 4 1/2 years because I decided after college not to
> seek further treatment for various reasons. I feel that I can deal with
> this on my own, basically. Haven't let myself miss a day of work for
> periods or any other problems. Plus, I'm still a virgin, so there's no
> risk of complications associated with sex.
>
> I'm not happy with the way past treatments have gone -- they didn't cure
> the problem, and the hormones gave me terrible side effects. Plus, I'm
> up for promotion at work and am afraid that I might lose it if I took
> off time for surgery. My side is that I should be able to make my own
> decisions about not seeking further treatment, and those decisions
> should be respected, especially in light of the work/promotion
> situation.
>
> My mother feels completely differently. She won't leave me alone about
> this, keeps saying that I'm upsetting her, and practically begs me to
> see the doctor. I adore Mom and understand that she's worried, but I
> also feel suffocated -- I'm an adult, why can't she let me do what I
> want or avoid what I don't want? Why can't she be like my father? He's a
> physician, he thinks that I should see the doctor, but he told me it was
> my decision, and that was the first and last thing he ever said about
> it. However, Mom keeps bringing it up. She won't even listen when I
> give her medical facts about how rare complications from untreated
> endometriomas or endometriosis are. (Maybe I should note that she would
> never have found out about these problems except that I, in my
> stupidity, accidentally let it all slip one day when I was blowing off
> steam.)
>
> Someone told me that mothers get upset when they feel that their child's
> well-being is threatened by something. Is this what's going on here?
> I'm trying to understand her side. I don't want to just assume that
> she's trying to control my every move, because even though it feels that
> way, I'm sure it's not really that way.
>
> What should I do? We all want to make our own decisions without being
> pressured, but I'm at a loss. I don't want to cause my mother worry,
> but I don't want to feel pressured into getting treatment. Help!
>
> Thanks very much!
>
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