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A question about endo treatment for all of the Moms out thereFrom: anonymous (anonymous@obgyn.net)Thu Oct 17 11:44:16 2002
Hi. I have a question for all of the mothers out there, especially if you have a daughter with endometriosis. Let me say right away that I am the daughter, and I'm asking a question about a disagreement I'm having with my mother, whom I adore. The short question is: why can't mothers let their daughters make their own decisions about medical issues? A really long message follows -- I'm sorry about the length. Here goes. I was diagnosed with endometriosis since high school. I'm in my mid twenties now. Throughout college I went through various forms of treatment, including Danocrine, Lupron, and two surgeries. Three years ago, the symptoms starting returning, plus I developed a strange ache in my left side. In the last year I've had two episodes of irregular bleeding (6 months apart), plus I've started spotting at the end of my periods since July. Periods are pretty difficult, I must admit. Clearly, weird things are happening. My specialist is wonderful, but I haven't seen him in 4 1/2 years because I decided after college not to seek further treatment for various reasons. I feel that I can deal with this on my own, basically. Haven't let myself miss a day of work for periods or any other problems. Plus, I'm still a virgin, so there's no risk of complications associated with sex. I'm not happy with the way past treatments have gone -- they didn't cure the problem, and the hormones gave me terrible side effects. Plus, I'm up for promotion at work and am afraid that I might lose it if I took off time for surgery. My side is that I should be able to make my own decisions about not seeking further treatment, and those decisions should be respected, especially in light of the work/promotion situation. My mother feels completely differently. She won't leave me alone about this, keeps saying that I'm upsetting her, and practically begs me to see the doctor. I adore Mom and understand that she's worried, but I also feel suffocated -- I'm an adult, why can't she let me do what I want or avoid what I don't want? Why can't she be like my father? He's a physician, he thinks that I should see the doctor, but he told me it was my decision, and that was the first and last thing he ever said about it. However, Mom keeps bringing it up. She won't even listen when I give her medical facts about how rare complications from untreated endometriomas or endometriosis are. (Maybe I should note that she would never have found out about these problems except that I, in my stupidity, accidentally let it all slip one day when I was blowing off steam.) Someone told me that mothers get upset when they feel that their child's well-being is threatened by something. Is this what's going on here? I'm trying to understand her side. I don't want to just assume that she's trying to control my every move, because even though it feels that way, I'm sure it's not really that way. What should I do? We all want to make our own decisions without being pressured, but I'm at a loss. I don't want to cause my mother worry, but I don't want to feel pressured into getting treatment. Help! Thanks very much!
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