ENDO Messages for May, 2002: Thanks--husband advice

Thanks--husband advice

From: ALL (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed May 1 21:00:20 2002

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At Tue, 30 Apr 2002, Lana wrote: >
>At Mon, 29 Apr 2002, anonymous wrote:
>>Dear All:
>
>I sympathize with all of what you have said. I have been married for
>almost 2 years now. ABout 9 months ago, we decided to go off the pill
>and try to conceive. 3 months later I was diagnosed with endometriosis.
>Not an easy thing to deal with in a marriage. My first feelings were
>extreme guilt to my husband who married me thinking he would get it all
>(wife, family...). I have to give him so much credit for his ability to
>constantly assure me that having children is not everything, he married
>me because he loves me, and not some child he has never met. However,
>he lost big points on how he handled me during my painful days. I knew
>he cared, but he just was not being supportive inthe way I needed him to
>be - and, because I was in so much pain, I was irritable and we fought.
>After about 2 months I realized that he is not a mind reader and he
>really does want to help. So, I sat him down and told him exactly (and
>I mean down to even what to say!) what I need when I am in pain. I
>futher stopped trying to be brave or be a martyr and allowed myself to
>weep in his arms when the pain was bad and started asking for what I
>needed things when I hurt( ie, to go get me things or do the dishes even
>though its "my night").
>
>He was so thankful for all this. First, by letting him see just how
>severe the pain can get, he began to really understand what I go through
>and had new respect for it/me. Second, he really didnt know what would
>help and was himself getting frustrated because he didnt know what to
>do. Now he knows exactly what to do and say when Ineed it - and just
>because I told him to do it, doesnt make it insincere, he really wanted
>to help! And finally, I learned that he is happy to pitch in more around
>the house when I cant do it. But again, he is not a mind reader and so
>I just simply need to let him know when I cant do something. So - this
>is my long winded way of telling you to teach him how to support you. Im
>sure he wants to, but just doesnt know how.
>
>As for adoption - oddly, my husband doesnt really want to discuss it
>either, although we are still hopeful that we may be able to conceive.
>So, I have no advice here. Maybe you should take him to the doctor with
>you sometime so he can hear the doctor's opinion on the liklihood of
>having a baby?
>
>Anyway, it sounds unromantic, but truly just tell him what you need when
>you need it. Men are fairly dense when it comes to complex female
>emotions and you will make both of your lives happier by being open and
>honest about the type of support you need from him.
>
>Good luck with it all.
>Regards,
>Lana
>
>>Dear "All",
>>Try this link -- maybe the docs at this site can recommend someone in
>>your area. http://www.womenssurgerygroup.com/contactus.asp
>>
>>At Mon, 29 Apr 2002, Julie wrote:
>>>
>>>Not from your area, so I can't recommend another doctor. Just wanted to
>>>tell you I think you're smart to consider adoption. I'm 29 and single
>>>and made myself miserable worrying about fertility. I'm finally at
>>>peace with myself now that I've considered adoption. In fact, I'm so
>>>excited about it that I plan to pursue adoption even while single. Best
>>>of luck with your husband!
>>>
>>>At Sun, 28 Apr 2002, ALL wrote:
>>>>
>>>>I have endo. DH and I have been trying to have a baby for almost three
>>>>years. Been through 2 failed IVF cycles. Re says it's time to adopt. I
>>>>didn't respond to the stims. I have posted on here before about extreme
>>>>shoulder pain with my periods. Re dosen't seemed too concerned about
>>>>this he just thinks I am going into premature ovarian failure (FSH level
>>>>has never proved this). All of this stuff is taking a toll on me. I am
>>>>also afraid that my marriage is being affected. I love my DH. He is a
>>>>good man. I just don't get the support I need from him. I am 32 years
>>>>old and have always wanted children. I am having a very hard time with
>>>>all of this. I feel that he could at least try to help me get the
>>>>adoption process started. He never brings it up and when I do he says I
>>>>need to stop thinking about this all of the time. What should I do?
>>>>Also I am beginning to think I need a second opinion about my endo. and
>>>>who knows maybe another RE would be interested in another infertility
>>>>treatment.
>>>>Anyone know any good RE or endo. specialist in the West Vigrinia, KY,
>>>>or Ohio area? I know I have rattled on about many different problems but
>>>>thanks for reading. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I don't want my
>>>>marriage to suffer. Please help.
>>>>
>>>>--
>>>>ALL
>>>>

Thank you to all of you that took time to read and respond fo my problem. I have tried to explain to my husband what to do and what I need. It works for a while. I guess it's time for another talk. ALL

--
ALL

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