ENDO Messages for April, 2002: Re: LOLINDA (long)

Re: LOLINDA (long)

From: Wanda (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat Apr 27 01:34:06 2002

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Lolinda,

I am also 27 and decided today to schedule a hyst and right oophrectomy. I know exactly how you feel.

I have an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. Every GYN that I have seen tells me the same thing, " you are very lucky to have had these two".

My SO and I decided that it was time for us to try to live a normal life. I also know that a hyst and oophrectomy is not a cure all but I am too tired of the pain and I tired of the periods. We tried for the last 3 months to get pregnant, it hasn't worked. And just last week after having the first pain free period in my life (April 1, 2002), the pain started again.

I have fought my feelings for the past year on whether or not to have a complete hyst. I have seen two doctors that have suggested the same thing. Either try Lupron to buy myself time or go ahead with the hyst. After much research, weighing the pros and cons, I decided just this morning actually for the hyst. I called my wonderful GYN's office just this morning and made an appt for next Friday for my SO and I to speak to him about scheduling it.

I have tried BCP's (since I was 15), Depo-Provera, and Lupron. I went to see Dr. Albee in Atlanta, GA at the The Center for Endometriosis Care. He did a laproscopy and excised the Endo (March 2001). He used the technique that Dr. Redwine uses. I was pain free for two months after this. Low and behold in May 2001, I was in pain again. Since that surgery, I have had a left oophrectomy and saplingo (removal of left ovary and fallopian tube). That surgery was in October 2001. I had another lap to cauterize more Endo in the left part where my ovary was in January 2002. March 1, 2002, I had a laprotomy to remove my appendix due to Endo attaching itself and inflaming the appendix and finding more Endo on my right ovary.

I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I am sure you are too. That is the interpretation I get when I read your e-mail. I completely understand where you are coming from. It is the scariest feeling in the world. But if it brings just the least amount of pain relief and the least amount of mental relief, to me I think that is worth it.

I have always said that I wanted another child with a man that I love. But I am tired. I had my two children with a man that I thought I was in love with. Please don't take that the wrong way, I love my children very much and they will never know about my feelings towards their real father. But I can't go on anymore. I am tired. I can't bring another child into this world knowing that I am always going to be in pain and the possibility lies there that I won't be able to enjoy and care for another baby like I should.

I think that I have exhausted all other resources and that is what has prompted the decision. It has taking thoughts and tears to come to this conclusion. But if it can guarantee me a life with a minimal amount of pain and the hope for a normal life..I think that it is worth it.

These are my thoughts and views. These are what brought me to my conclusion. I also finally decided that it is time to think about me. I have not done anything in my life since my children were born for me. I have finally been able to go back to school to finish my Bachelor's degree just recently. I want to start a career, I want to be pain free or at least live with a minimal amount of pain.

I am also like you, tired of feeding my body pain pills. I can't take any NSAID's, so either I get Tylenol or narcotics. I want it to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well , now that I have vented totally and completely on you.. I am sorry, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this decision!

If you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to, please feel free to e-mail me privately! endo93@hotmail.com You have my support. I know how you feel, I am a full-time mom and full-time student. I try to be a full-time friend. I lost my last job due to the Endo.

Angel Hugs, Wanda

>----- Original Message -----
From: "lolinda" <anonymous@obgyn.net> To: "Multiple recipients of list ENDO" <anonymous@obgyn.net> Sent: Friday, April 26, 2002 11:11 PM Subject: Hysterectomy schduled for June 17th.....scared to death

> Hello Angels!!!
>
> Well I haven't posted in awhile but thought I would tonight because I am
> feeling mentally drained. My Gyn has scheduled me for a Hysterectomy on
> June 17th. I am 27 and have two beautiful girls. My husband and I
> don't want any more kids. I really can't explain how I feel about all
> of this...all I know is that I want the pain to go away. I know that
> this might not be a cure all but I can't continue to put pain killer
> after painkiller into my body. My question is to anyone who has felt
> the way that I am feeling.... how do you get your mental status in
> check before surgery. My husband and I had an hour-long consult with my
> Gyn yesterday. I had two pages of questions for him and he had an
> answer for everyone one of them, which I was so shocked to see, happen.
> I feel confident in his skills and in him personally but I am just so
> scared. I joined ERC and am currently trying to get a hold of a support
> person in my area...but I just thought posting tonight would help me. I
> want to cry, scream, run, jump up and down, beat something up to take
> away all of these awful emotions that I am trying to deal with. Mean
> while trying to work and be a wife, mother, and a supportive friend to
> those who are in my life. I just haven't gotten the support...the
> womanly support.... from anyone that could possibly have a remote clue
> of how I am feeling right now.
> I am sorry for making such a long drawn out post but I just am feeling
> really mentally drained and burnt out on thinking about the pro's and
> con's of having this surgery.
>
> Thanks for listening!
>
> Lolinda
>

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