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Re: 'I know how she feels, how soft her kiss is; I know how she feels....inside'From: Marcelle (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed Aug 8 02:09:30 2001
Hello to both of you, I am so glad you will be able to work as a team to get though these hard times. I could barely stop myself from crying after reading your post earlier today. I am lucky and also have a very understanding husband. He does so much so that I can lie down most of the time, although I still feel very guilty to see him do everything somedays while I do nothing. But sometimes I do not have a choice. It really helps to have loved ones that understand. Best of luck to you both. Take care Marcelle At Tue, 7 Aug 2001, Husband wrote: > >To My Amazing Wife with Endo (WFarbs@cs.com), > >"I will not let this disease destroy you anymore!" > >All I could do the last couple of months to get to inside your head and >find out what is making you so angry all the time, short fused, and >generally what made you change from the sweet loving temperate tolerant >woman I married, to what you have become; was to scan the obgyn.net >message boards and research and read all of your postings. You probably >figured as much. I seemingly ended up learning A LOT about you! I >learned A LOT! AS well as what you've been thinking the past few months. >It really opened my eyes. It brought tears to my eyes the way you sent >out an e-mail asking for prayers to help your mother through her heart >attack. You were very passionate, very desperate and scared even in >your written word..."...please pray for my Mom as she is MY BEST FRIEND >in the whole wide world and I don't know what I'd do without her"....sc" >I never knew that. Your mom is lucky to have you! >Your cute little uplifting notes you send to all of the girls with >endo/adymi, even one's you've never met or even talked to is a neat side >of you I've never seen. You give them a lot of support, and kind words, >and lots of warm hugs and kisses. You're sending out big warm hugs and >kisses to women thousands of miles away that don't hug you back at that >instant. You are really cool. You keep up with their upcoming medical >procedures, laparoscopies, surgeries, test results and even responses to >medication. You are wishing them well, wishing them "pain-free" days, >yet you can barely muster up the strength to get out of the chair late >at night when you're finished with the computer. Your lower back is >absolutely on fire....you just want to sleep deep and pain free now, but >your two year old needs to be carried up the tallest stairway in the >world tonight....but you make it through, somehow. > >You're a pillar of hope to a lot of sick women, and a great welcomer to >the new, scared girls who are going to go follow in your foot-steps >soon, and you just wish you had AN EXACT ANSWER FOR THEM. I know you >search everything you can get your hands on and talk to as many women >available who have any knowledge of this absolutely useless disease. You >hope and pray for any piece of information that might have gotten >overlooked somehow, that you could use to ease your misery even just a >"LITTLE BIT". Somedays feeling helpless, somedays feeling hopeless and >some days just wanting to die, you dream of your healthy active youth. >What you'd give to go back to a pain-free world. For some reason, the >sunset isn't as beautifully real as it used to be when you feel like >somebody is constantly twist-squeezing your middle back with a handful >of rib and spine from the inside-out. Or your shoulder. Or your >thighs. Or God forbid tonight, all three? And the funny thing is is >that you know exactly what the internal twist-squeeze pain feels like, >and it's a word I just made up just now. You wish it was a friggin' >question on "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire", because you wouldn't need >to phone a friend, or ask the audience, or get any help. If you had a >good pencil and an easel you could draw a picture of how your pain feels >on the inside of your body to exact detail. Now if only your Gyno Dr. >would stop looking at your drawing upside-down. That bastard. Has this >man ever even SEEN the inside of a vagina? If you leave his office one >more time without any answers or relief, you might have him killed if >you could afford the hit-man. What the hell, pay the hit-man to at >least fire a few shots over the heads of the girls that work the front >desk...at least you'd get some empathy or respect for once. > >The days keep going by, the pain doesn't really ever leave, as you drive >to your next futile appointment your mind spins in circles...Was it >something that you did to deserve this? A sports injury? Is it all in >your head? Pain-Pills and anti-depressants? Is that all they've got for >this? Why isn't there a sure cure? This absolutely unmanagable pain >won't leave you alone for five minutes, yet your husband is pissed at >you because he can't get off tonight....what a jerk! You'd like him to >experience half of this pain for 10 minutes and he'll shut his cake-hole >FOREVER!! (I get it.) > >It's amazing that you are so independent and strong, that somehow, >someway you will still manage to make it through the work-week and make >money. Pay the mortgage. Pick up after the kids. Clean the house. >Look after the kids. Do the laundry. Pick up after the kids again. Do >the dishes. Run the errands. Pick up after the kids yet again. You >still have half of your stuff to do, half of it you did today and you >hope tomorrow you can finish without this unrelenting pressing >pain...yes then you will catch up on your tasks and phone calls....for >tomorrow with the Grace of God the pain will be gone. You lump onto the >bed at the end of the day completely exhausted, feeling literally like >somebody stabbed you with a knife all over your body...oh shit, now your >six year old is sick, crying and throwing up red kool-aid out in the >hallway!....where's that husband of yours? What a jerk.....! > >Honey, I may not communicate it to you enough, but I do understand how >you feel after I snooped through the bulletin boards. You talked a lot >of smack about me! But I guess I have a better understanding why. And >my offer still stands. (Becasue I trash-talked you on the MENDO board >as well...jk!) You Really DON'T HAVE TO DO SO MUCH. YOU REALLY CAN CUT >MOST OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES and we'll be okay somehow! Why don't you >consider it? We should talk about it. I love you..... Honey, come >home, please. I really miss you!! Come home as fast as you can and give >me a big warm hugs and kisses! > >To all you special women out there who suffer in part or in full of >endo/adyn ... God bless you and may you feel relief soon! Stay strong, >stay focused, don't take anything for granted! Wendi and I will pray for >you all! > >Wendi, > >I love you forever, through pain, sickness and in future health. I love >you. >Your Loving Husband, >AndrewFarbs
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