ENDO Messages for February, 2000: Re: ER visits

Re: ER visits

From: Amy (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat Feb 26 22:42:37 2000

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At Sat, 26 Feb 2000, Kristen wrote: >
>WARNING I do talk about some abuse issues and flashbacks. If this will
>offend you or trigger you, please do not read. Thank you.
>
>Hey Everyone,
>Sorry about the huge group mailing but I don't feel well enough to write
>individual messages so i thought I would just send the same update to
>everyone. For some lists, this is kind of off topic as it is a medical
>update but I thought all my friends might be interested in what I have
>to say.
>
>So here goes. . .
>
>As you may already know, my pain has been getting much worse this week.
>I did see my gyn on Thursday in hopes that he might have thought of
>something that might help me. No such luck. He did do a pelvic exam
>which was very painful and disturbing. For my abuse support lists, you
>might understand what this was like for me. I swear the pain sensation
>he recreated brought on a tactile flashback. He was hurting me and
>talking to me about a seminar he went to and i was not quite catching
>everything he was saying because I felt like the whole room was fading
>to black. i know really weird. I felt like I should apologize to him for
>my reaction but what can I say, sorry I freaked. I don't know why it
>happened but hey you hurt me. Whatever.
>
>At one point I felt myself trying to scoot away from his touch but I
>also felt like I wasn't in control of my actions. More like I was
>watching then actually experiencing. When he was done we talked a bit
>but I really don't feel like I was in the conversation. When he left me,
>I cried a bit and then tried to leave without having to deal with anyone
>else. i wasn't really up for being social.
>
>Ok, sorry if that weirded anyone out.
>
>So yesterday, the pain continued to get worse and I wasn't sure what I
>should do. I kept taking the vicoden every 3-4 hours but it wasn't
>helping. I finally paged my gyn and he sent me to the ER for a demerol
>shot which I got around 8:30 PM. By 11 I felt no better, so I paged him
>again. He said he would check me out so i returned to the ER. He did
>blood work which came back normal as usual. He did another pelvic exam
>which REALLY hurt but i tried to remain calm this time. He said he
>didn't feel anything new and at least we weren't dealing with anything
>life threatening.
>
>He did a para cervical block for me. Earlier the nurse had said
>something about him possibly keeping me over night which sounded like a
>bad idea to me so I would do anything not to stay. He talked about doing
>an ultra sound but there was no one available to do this at 1 AM. The
>block was much less painful after the demerol shot. I only felt one bad
>stick, I didn't feel the second one which is usually more painful than
>the first. Although my pain did not go away, I started to feel more
>comfortable and thought I could fall asleep. Maybe the demerol finally
>kicked in, maybe it was the vicoden I took before I tried to go to bed
>the first time before I paged him the second time, maybe the block
>helped or maybe it was a combination of the three. I don't know, I only
>know that I was able to sleep.
>
>The bad news is that now the pain is creeping back. I don't want to
>spend anymore time in the ER this weekend and I don't want to bother him
>again so i am going to try to deal with it myself. Hopefully I can get
>through it.
>
>I have the HSG scheduled on Tuesday. For those of you that don't know,
>this is a test to see if my tubes are blocked. I am really nervous about
>the pain. I mean the pelvic exams were too painful for me. What is this
>test going to be like? He told me to take vicoden before I come. I
>should go to the ER for demerol and then have the test. LOL. Or maybe
>just an anti anxiety drug.
>
>My counselor is seeing Monday instead of Tuesday. She wants to do some
>positive thinking installations so I have something to picture while he
>is doing the test and hopefully I can get through it. I told her that I
>was really worried about having a flashback during the test. I think
>this is what I am really afraid of. I never want my gyn to see that part
>of me. the only person I feel comfortable seeing that is my counselor. I
>don't think he would judge me or think badly of me but I am ashamed of
>it none the less.
>
>So that is what is up with me. i am sorry if the combined talk about the
>flashbacks and bad experiences with the pain ws offensive but it was
>hard for me to separate the two. Thanks for being supportive and
>understanding. I hope you are all well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
>Kristen

Kristen, You poor baby!!! I wish there was something I could do for you! I sympathize with your problem. I was sexually abused when I was a little girl (4 or 5 years old). It's still very vivid in my mind. Thankfully it hasn't affected my life to badly. I have "episodes" where I don't want to be touched by anyone, even my husband. He understands though. When you have an examination, try to imagine yourself some place that makes your happy....Disney Land maybe?!! lol :) My thoughts and prayers are with you Honey, hang in there and take good care of yourself. Put your trust and faith in God - he'll take care of you! Sending you lots of Love, Hugs and Sunshine! Your Endo Pal in Alaska - Amy

--
Amy Hollis

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