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Re: ER visitsFrom: Amy (anonymous@obgyn.net)Sat Feb 26 22:42:37 2000
At Sat, 26 Feb 2000, Kristen wrote: > >WARNING I do talk about some abuse issues and flashbacks. If this will >offend you or trigger you, please do not read. Thank you. > >Hey Everyone, >Sorry about the huge group mailing but I don't feel well enough to write >individual messages so i thought I would just send the same update to >everyone. For some lists, this is kind of off topic as it is a medical >update but I thought all my friends might be interested in what I have >to say. > >So here goes. . . > >As you may already know, my pain has been getting much worse this week. >I did see my gyn on Thursday in hopes that he might have thought of >something that might help me. No such luck. He did do a pelvic exam >which was very painful and disturbing. For my abuse support lists, you >might understand what this was like for me. I swear the pain sensation >he recreated brought on a tactile flashback. He was hurting me and >talking to me about a seminar he went to and i was not quite catching >everything he was saying because I felt like the whole room was fading >to black. i know really weird. I felt like I should apologize to him for >my reaction but what can I say, sorry I freaked. I don't know why it >happened but hey you hurt me. Whatever. > >At one point I felt myself trying to scoot away from his touch but I >also felt like I wasn't in control of my actions. More like I was >watching then actually experiencing. When he was done we talked a bit >but I really don't feel like I was in the conversation. When he left me, >I cried a bit and then tried to leave without having to deal with anyone >else. i wasn't really up for being social. > >Ok, sorry if that weirded anyone out. > >So yesterday, the pain continued to get worse and I wasn't sure what I >should do. I kept taking the vicoden every 3-4 hours but it wasn't >helping. I finally paged my gyn and he sent me to the ER for a demerol >shot which I got around 8:30 PM. By 11 I felt no better, so I paged him >again. He said he would check me out so i returned to the ER. He did >blood work which came back normal as usual. He did another pelvic exam >which REALLY hurt but i tried to remain calm this time. He said he >didn't feel anything new and at least we weren't dealing with anything >life threatening. > >He did a para cervical block for me. Earlier the nurse had said >something about him possibly keeping me over night which sounded like a >bad idea to me so I would do anything not to stay. He talked about doing >an ultra sound but there was no one available to do this at 1 AM. The >block was much less painful after the demerol shot. I only felt one bad >stick, I didn't feel the second one which is usually more painful than >the first. Although my pain did not go away, I started to feel more >comfortable and thought I could fall asleep. Maybe the demerol finally >kicked in, maybe it was the vicoden I took before I tried to go to bed >the first time before I paged him the second time, maybe the block >helped or maybe it was a combination of the three. I don't know, I only >know that I was able to sleep. > >The bad news is that now the pain is creeping back. I don't want to >spend anymore time in the ER this weekend and I don't want to bother him >again so i am going to try to deal with it myself. Hopefully I can get >through it. > >I have the HSG scheduled on Tuesday. For those of you that don't know, >this is a test to see if my tubes are blocked. I am really nervous about >the pain. I mean the pelvic exams were too painful for me. What is this >test going to be like? He told me to take vicoden before I come. I >should go to the ER for demerol and then have the test. LOL. Or maybe >just an anti anxiety drug. > >My counselor is seeing Monday instead of Tuesday. She wants to do some >positive thinking installations so I have something to picture while he >is doing the test and hopefully I can get through it. I told her that I >was really worried about having a flashback during the test. I think >this is what I am really afraid of. I never want my gyn to see that part >of me. the only person I feel comfortable seeing that is my counselor. I >don't think he would judge me or think badly of me but I am ashamed of >it none the less. > >So that is what is up with me. i am sorry if the combined talk about the >flashbacks and bad experiences with the pain ws offensive but it was >hard for me to separate the two. Thanks for being supportive and >understanding. I hope you are all well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. >Kristen Kristen, You poor baby!!! I wish there was something I could do for you! I sympathize with your problem. I was sexually abused when I was a little girl (4 or 5 years old). It's still very vivid in my mind. Thankfully it hasn't affected my life to badly. I have "episodes" where I don't want to be touched by anyone, even my husband. He understands though. When you have an examination, try to imagine yourself some place that makes your happy....Disney Land maybe?!! lol :) My thoughts and prayers are with you Honey, hang in there and take good care of yourself. Put your trust and faith in God - he'll take care of you! Sending you lots of Love, Hugs and Sunshine! Your Endo Pal in Alaska - Amy
-- Amy Hollis
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